Dilbert Newsletter 3.0

**** Special Supplemental ****

To:    Dogbert's New Ruling Class (DNRC)
From:  Scott Adams
Date:  11/94
Hi again.

This special supplemental newsletter is mostly so I can shamelessly tell you that the new Dilbert Screen Saver Collection (for Windows and Mac) has shipped.

It's from Delrina and it should be popping up in all fine computer stores who have a clue. Or call Delrina at 1-800-315-5848.

If the sales person at your local software store gives you a blank stare or says they don't carry it, I recommend scrunching your face up and saying something incredibly condescending like "It runs under Windows -- maybe you've heard of THAT."

(Macintosh users adjust accordingly. If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.)

Your Rank in the DNRC

As you know, when Dogbert conquers the planet, those of you on this mailing list will form the new ruling class and get to treat all other people like five-and-a-quarter-inch diskettes.

But you're probably wondering how you can jockey for position within the ruling class.

After all, it's not who you are as a person that counts, it's who you're superior to. So, to remove any ambiguity in this matter I have consulted with Dogbert to create this handy point scoring system.

The more points you get, the higher your rank.

How to Earn Points

Point Score Adjudication

We're using the Bird Watchers method of point scoring, meaning you use the honor system. Obviously, skilled liars will fare better at both bird watching and jockeying for position in the DNRC.

Titles Already Taken

All official titles in Dogbert's New Ruling Class are awarded on a first-come, first-served basis. These titles are already taken: Any disputes will be resolved by the Judge of Wedgies.

Rumor Squelching

There is a rumor in the Boston area that the Dilbert Screen Saver Collection has one module that acts as a powerful subliminal aphrodisiac. In my tests I found that only a small percentage of viewers experienced this effect, barely more than a control group of fraternity members who drank beer and viewed adult movies.

However, there is some evidence that the Dilbert Screen Saver reverses male pattern baldness, but it's too soon to tell.

Catbert

I got a peck of mail after the brief appearance of a cat creature in the strip. Most of the writers could be put in two categories: 1) Cat lovers, and 2) People who think cat lovers should be ripped to pieces by large dogs.

People in the second category were largely baffled by the strip where the cat (okay, call it Catbert) declared it would attack its natural enemy and was next seen on Dilbert's keyboard. As only cat owners with computers know, cats love to get on your keyboard when you're using it.

This was not my most insightful work, but I got lots of mail from people with the same problem who wrote, and I quote "My cat slhgjb to climb on myj pwerjp keyboardlsad he's onthhgj there now. Ha ha kjgj ha!!"

I haven't decided if the cat will return.

Dogbert Secret

Here's a little inside knowledge that only the people who read this newsletter will know. Dogbert's original name wasn't Dogbert. It was [censored]. I changed it at the last minute before I sent my samples to comic syndicators for consideration.

Remember this tidbit in case you ever have to prove you're a member of Dogbert's New Ruling Class. It's your password.

Dilbert Index

I'm starting an index of the top ten most irritating` business practices. It's a non-scientific survey that will eventually be construed as scientific because most people don't care whether their information is reliable or not.

To participate, just vote for the THREE that irritate you the most and send your vote to: IndexBert@aol.com for tabulation. This will be an ongoing measure.

How to Subscribe Automatically

You can subscribe to the Dilbert List automatically by sending an e-mail to the address listproc@internex.net with ONLY this message in the body of your e-mail (and nothing in the subject line): 
          subscribe Dilbert_List Joe Blow
(except put your real name instead of Joe Blow).

And your e-mail address will be picked up automatically, so you need not specify it.

If the automatic method doesn't work for you, send me a note at scottadams@aol.com and I'll put you on manually.

CENSORING You will have to get on the mailing list to get such sensitive information! -the website maestro
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