France at a Glance

by Miles O'Neal, Jetlag, Ltd.

Oddly enough, I've spent more time in France than I have in any country besides the USA. My last trip I even played tourist guide. (OK, so it was primarily for my wife; I also drug some Brits around with us.)

France at a Glance

Capital:                   Charles de Gaulle
Most Beloved Emperor:      Napolean Bonaparte
Form of Government:        the guillotine
Lingua Franca:             French
Eternal Flame:             Marie Antoinette
National Sport:            toilet design
Main Tourist Attraction:   WW II
Best Known Landmark:       Charles de Gaulle's nose
Exports:                   L'attitude
Imports:                   tourists
National Bird:             the pigeon

France:

derives its laws from chaos theory and random numbers.
was the last superpower to split the alcohol atom, but they've been making up for it ever since.
was the only superpower to roll over and play dead in WW II.
has never quite forgiven Britain for Wellington's beating Bonaparte in the Superbowl.
is the only nation on the planet where it's legal to drive your car through the bedrooms of visiting heads of state.
has the world's coolest public collection of old art, in Henry VIII's garage (known as the Louvre).
has more interesting tourist attractions than some continents.
has wonderful food.
may or may not serve it to you if you don't order in French.
may, in Paris, bite you on the nose if you don't order in French.
leads the world in toilet flushing security technology.
keeps its trains from running on time to make sure nobody confuses them with Italy.
will serve beer or wine with any meal.
or snack.
or to celebrate the sale of something as big as a post card.
still has less drunks nationwide than any random kilometer of USA highway at 11PM Friday night.

Last updated: 08 November 1997

Miles O'Neal <roadkills.r.us@XYZZY.gmail.com> [remove the "XYZZY." to make things work!] c/o RNN / 1705 Oak Forest Dr / Round Rock, TX / 78681-1514