Review of Jack Chick's

_Death Cookie: the Movie_

In this timeless, gentle, morality play, five virgin Protestant teens lose their souls after reading fortunes planted in their cookies at an undercover Communist Chinese restaurant. The fortunes were written by members of the Black Monks, the secret society that is the real power behind the Evil New Babylonian Empire, the Roman Catholic unChurch.

As the unsuspecting, ungrounded in the Word teens foolishly read the messages, flashbacks show how the monks use a combination of Backwards Masking, Rock Music, Revolutionary Jargon, and UFO Technology to impart the very Soul of Lucifer into the messages.

As the virgins writhe in agony on the floor, melting through the floor into the very pits of hell while being pulled by incredibly evil-looking demons (played by John & Bobby Kennedy), the camera closes up on one of the fortunes smouldering on the floor:

C. S. Lewis smoked, but his books are OK.
A sequel will show the special chambers God has reserved in Hell for parents who do not have their kids mercy killed after accidentally using a school toilet after a Catholic.
Adolph gives it two thumbs up, and invites you to next weeks Charismatic Roast.

Bring Your Own Meat.

Script: Jack Chick
Director: Jack Chick
Producer: J. B. Stoner
Funding: Louis Farrakhan
Key Grip: Saddam Hussein
Best Boy: Atilla
Effects: The Devil Himself

Based on an idea by: a severely warped upbringing, massive cranial chemical imbalances, and too much pizza at bed time.

The part of the five virgins was played by five Catholic youths force fed large quantities of hypnotic drugs, so the fact that they died in the making was no great loss.


DISLAIMERIf you don't understand the meaning of the word ``SATIRE'' you need to go look it up in the dictionary. Then re-read this, and go check out the The Unofficial WWW Jack Chick Archive (either the North American site, or the Northern Irish site).

If you still don't get it, think carefully about the ``people'' involved in the bogus movie being reviewed. Think about who is reviewing the movie (hint: he's famous, and not because of meat tenderizer). Chick is rabidly anti-Catholic. I, myself, am not too fond of Chick. You can read my in-depth response to Chick somewhere on the above mentioned Chick pages.


Last updated: 10 August 1997

Copyright 1995 Miles O'Neal, Austin, TX. All rights reserved. Free electronic (ie, network) distribution is expressly allowed, so long as it is reproduced in its entirety, including the disclaimer, this copyright, and author/contact information.

Miles O'Neal <roadkills.r.us@XYZZY.gmail.com> [remove the "XYZZY." to make things work!] c/o RNN / 1705 Oak Forest Dr / Round Rock, TX / 78681-1514