Welcome to the online dentist! You can't escape us; we're everywhere. And the best part is,

In Cyberspace noone can hear you scream!!!

We offer a full set of dental health options, none guaranteed to help your mental health.

How This Thing Works

What you do

You (the patient, or ``mark'') send us your major credit card number along with one of the following (in preferred order):
  1. longitude & latitude a.k.a. ``ICBM address''
  2. email address
  3. phone number & extension
You'll hear from us within five (5) minutes.

My Part

I verify your credit. I start up a system about which I cannot currently explain much (patent pending, you see). Via the miracle of modern technology, the magic of the net, the wonder of gravitic wave transducers, GPS satellites, and a tad of good, old-fashioned luck, The Machine extends its receptors/enducers through space-time, and you are engulfed in the ultimate in network dentistry as per the picture above of ``you''.

Dental Health Options

[cute dental picture] Bonding
[cute dental picture] Bleaching
[cute dental picture] Nitrous Oxide
[cute dental picture] Emergency Care


Bonding is a restorative process that involves the use of SuperGlue (TM). The tongue usually is not involved, and many patients eventually open their mouths again.


Bleaching is a whitening process involving ingesting Clorox (TM) except in extreme cases, when ludicrous quantities of X-rays are used on rare earth coatings bonded to your teeth.

Nitrous Oxide

Nitrous Oxide, or laughing gas, is used to relax the patient or lower his or her elapsed time in the quarter mile. Patients occasionally make it home without meeting any police, deputies, or judges up close and personal.

Emergency Care

We feel your pain. But nowhere near like you do!
Last updated: 7 Nov 94