A Day in the Life

of Politically Correct Man

Hillary: "Hey, honey!"

Billy: <sighs, looks across desk, up at rafters, back across desk> "Hillary. Honey. What are you doing?"

Hillary: "Why, honey, just helping with all this paperwork. There must be thousands of things to sign..." <rises, they kiss>

Billy: "Thanks, honey. I just hate it when they ask about things I haven't read, but which I've signed..."

Hillary: "Oh, you silly. You know they always brief us on whatever ends up here for signing."

Billy: What about that bill exempting lawyers from lawsuits? Even the ACLU jumped up and down about that one, and I know I didn't sign it."

Hillary: "Well, honey, I'm sure..."

Billy: "Then there was that proposal to tax babies and use the money to fund abortions. Twelve states threatened to secede - including Arkansas! I looked like a fool!"

Hillary: "Billy! Calm down. I'm sure..."

Billy: <unhearing, trance-like> "Then there was that executive order authorizing the hunting of NRA members to control their population. Hillary, honey, I feel like I'm in a twilight zone episode. And we aren't accomplishing any of the things we set out to do." <Hillary moves closer to Billy> "And I don't think anyone likes me anymore. My ratings are lower than zucchini!"

Narrator: Hillary begins to massage Billy's shoulders. Slowly he relaxes, gets quieter. The panic leaves his voice as he responds to his training. His eyes lose their wild, unfocused look. She moves around, hugs him, kisses him... Billy falls back in the chair, his unseeing eyes raised to the ceiling, head lolling slightly to the right. Hillary removes the needle from his neck, walks to the desk, removes a box from her purse, presses a button on the box. She notifies the appointment secretary not to allow any interruptions for a half hour, sits down in the executive chair to wait, and idly resumes signing papers.

A few moments later, a panel slides back. Al walks in, wordlessly sets down a black bag, and leaves, the panel sliding back into place behind him.

Hillary removes two headsets from the bag. After running the system tests, she carefully positions one on Billy's head and one on her own. She connects them with cables, sits back and relaxes. Twenty minutes later, Billy's headset beeps. Hillary looks disgustedly at her watch. It's taking longer each time, a bad sign.

She replaces the equipment in the bag, buzzes for Al, and replaces the box in her purse. Al arrives as before, picks up the bag, and walks out. Hillary smiles - his distant, listless eyes indicate no problem with his programming. She resumes kissing Bill, and he awakes.

Billy: "Honey, you still kiss as good as ever."

Hillary: "You look tired, sweetheart. No, just over-burdened. care for a walk in the Rose Garden?"

Billy: "Just the thing, babe. You always seem to know just what I need."

Narrator: Jauntily, Billy saunters towards the door, blowing her a final kiss. Once he finally leaves, Hillary sighs heavily and returns to the seat of power. She has a country to run.

Copyright 1995 Miles O'Neal, Austin, TX. All rights reserved.